TodayBerita – “ What are you?” – is one simple question that seemingly easy to answer.
Most of people defined by what they are mostly do; occupation, daily activities or social statuses. It’s as subtle explanation as; I’m that plumber guy you call when your shower broke anytime even in the middle of the night, I’m a person who can get you special price on the housing assets you’d love, or; just a simple as; lawyer, doctor, beautician, analyst, and so on.
Some people have the opportunity to work in a field or specialty that they’re passionate to, most of people work just to survive and to fit in the society.
The stress is real, and a feeling that one must ‘hide’ the stress in order to avoid stressful situation affecting other people we care about, oh- what an inevitably annoying condition. Some people might vent out their stressful mind in a positive way, some people suppressed their mind yet their body shows psychosomatic symptoms from the mild ulcer to migraine and even catatonic, and some people burst out in a certain behavior that rises questions and comments from their closest family and relatives as; “It doesn’t sounds like him” or “She’s changed!” or; “Is it his true nature?”.
Let me set an example.
One of my oldest clientele is a housewife with enormous number of children.
Prolific.
She even still managed to foster few abandoned children from many poor suburbs and village.
Terrific.
Her marriage, what people around her believed to be seemingly happy, ended with a divorce after the third ‘younger-wives’ wedding day.
Again, third.
She was holding it in by the time she found out her husband have a second wive who are 15 years younger than her and only few years older than their son. In the name of beliefs, her husband can convince her that the second wive marriage is for everyone’s greater good. Things change, the label of Mrs.Last-Name-of-the-Husband became Mrs.Old-Wife and she even stressed by the neighbors sympathy over her.
She had no control upon her 7 kids by that time, but she’s more than a housewife and a mother, she has to work extra to feed her children; biological and foster care. By the time she gave birth to 9th baby, she was ‘convinced’ that she’s not ‘satisfying enough’ for her productive husband and already sensed it coming; future third wive.
Great thing about maternal instinct is that is so strong, it is what can define you.
She take a great leap to abandoned her tittle of Mrs.- Married-to-a-Human-Breeder to become a Mrs. Super-Mom-of-12-Kids.
She re-defined herself as a strong single parent who protects her children from radical brainstorming. Not one of her children grows without this insane level of maturity about taking care of each other despite the lacking father figure, each one of them knows well how amazing their single mom is.
Back at you.
What are you?
“I’m just a housewife with 3 kids”, “I’m a married woman with great career, not committed to have child at all.”, “I’m a single man who likes to travel.” — You can choose your own fanciest words to describe you, yet it might show what you really wanted to be.
Let Me Use Myself As An Example
I have studied psychology more than average students because I took extra classes for my own sake; to know it all, the basic psyche 101. During my college, some friends knew me as a homemade cake-seller, some other friends knew me as a part-timer translator and guide for tourist, only a few knew me as a student who babysit for pocket money, or few knew me as; that girl who weren’t afraid to dated lots of boys… — oh, so am i just that one extrovert girl?
Not really, for I can, and I enjoyed, the situation like; shopping by myself without any girls gang, or watched a cinema alone because more friends will be noisy. This contradiction gets me a label; that weird girl with possibility of dual personalities.
I can not explain my thought process back then, the 90’s was not as sophisticated as today at all in terms of sharing ‘what is in your mind’ as in the social media statuses.
What I know for sure, whenever I define myself as a psychology degree student, most people spontaneously be; “Oh, can you read me?”.
The truth is people will label, categorized, and do whatever to identify others within race, beliefs, family, body type from head to toe, especially in where I grew up; Indonesia has 300+ ethnicity.
That extra years I took in college does actually do myself very good. While many colleagues rushing to graduate and got a job; working a.s.a.p as a counselor or continued specialized field, I get myself a chance to learn the basic and therefore I realized the utmost important fact; people’s opinion can’t define me.
So I let my degree locked in a box in a closet and set my course to photography. Fortunately money wont grow on a tree, I had to take many part-time jobs to support my career in being independent photographer— this made me experienced more, met more people, and yes, travel more.
From science to art was disappointing, they say.
Little they know— people who like to put other in boxes, couldn’t realize that the science is inseparable from any art.
Yes, psychology is inseparable from any aspect of our life.
Then it was quite fun to receive another label ; I am that one photographer who has a psychology degree. Spread faster than mild on a damp wood, my clients were also ‘counsel’ about their problems before the actual photo session.
Their desire, their thoughts, their fear, their character — we used it all to express in the photo session.
No information is too little.
That details matter.
Surprisingly, more women can see their own beauty, gained more confidence.
There’s always storm before the rainbow, they say— there’s always people who dislike me for being so ‘talented’ at surviving; baking skills, good english-speaker amongst regular Asian, broad working experiences. Well, so called ‘hater’ does exist under the mask of ‘colleagues’ and ‘partners’, I got scammed.
Life is never flat.
The pandemic in early 2020 gave me lots of opportunities to write more.
When I published my 2nd children bedtime story book, my label re-defined.
A Photographer, A Psychology Practitioner, and An Author…
Yet, I’m a wife; housewife who love to cook for my husband’s work colleague at office’s events, also working-wife.
When people started to questioned my credibility and asked; “What are you?”
I am a happy person.
I create my own zone of happiness therefore I can shares.
(Psst, you can quote sentence above and repeat it while looking into a mirror!)
My work as photographer isn’t the only thing that define me, my psychology study indeed shaping me, my books are my artistic expression. I seek for no approval, nor I tried to pleased everyone around; my mind is free to be happy whatever my work is. What I expect here is to help others to see what’s important in their mind, heart, passion, so they can synchronize it within themselves — understand that self-defining is more like a journey, not only a process, and more than a goal.
So now, let me ask again;
“What are you?”
(Let)